


The Efforts of Hikawa Sayo

by Varewulf



Series: Bandori Superpowers AU [5]
Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: AU, Angst, F/F, Fluff, Yuri, what if
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-08-04 22:28:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16355438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Varewulf/pseuds/Varewulf
Summary: In part 5 of the Bandori Superpowers AU, it is Sayo's time.Was this just an excuse to write a SayoTsugu fic? Not just that, but that was a big part of it.Sayo is doing her best, okay?[And it's all up.]





	1. Making Amends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sayo's doing her best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are at part 5 of this weird AU: Hikawa Sayo. This one I have had in mind for a while. Since before I started the Moca story. Finding something for Tsugumi was my first plan for part 3, but the shapeshifter idea for Moca was too perfect to pass up. Figuring out what power to give Sayo is probably what took the most time. But I like the idea of making kinda like Supergirl, or Captain Marvel.
> 
> I have wanted to write SayoTsugu for a while, but it kept being put off for the sake of other things. So I seized this opportunity with vigour. It's fun to try something different with each part of this series. Can't have every story be the same. Though it became quite long. And as I wrote this across several days, I apologise for any sudden tonal shifts that might not feel properly built up to. When a fic gets this long, by the end it can be hard to remember how you phrased things and what mood you set at the start. Hopefully I was able to smooth things out a bit while proofreading.

Hi. My name is Hikawa Sayo, and I'm not quite like most people. For you see, I can fly. Yes, literally float in the air with no assistance. Despite what you might think, it's a useless ability.

Why? Well, I'm unable to use it very much. Hence I would say it's the textbook definition of useless. Can't exactly have people see a person fly through the air, can we? So I haven't really been able to get much practice with it either. Haven't really used it for years. I'm sure there are places I could go to get the necessary privacy, but why expend the effort? I have more useful things to do.

I'll confess, I didn't always use to think so. I was quite young when my parents first found me floating above my bed. For a time I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world. My sister also thought it was the most amazing thing. I'd take every chance I got to fly around. It was exhilarating. When we went on trips, my sister and I would find somewhere to sneak off to, and I'd carry her with me into the air. Now that I think about it, I can remember the way we laughed together.

We really used to be quite close. She remembers it better than me, I think. I've tried to push it out of my mind, even though I didn't really mean to. But as we grew apart, it was just a painful, unnecessary reminder of a happier time. Though recent reflection has made me think it was not as unnecessary as I convinced myself it was. I should have kept the memories close, not pushed them away. I'm really quite awful.

* * *

I knock on her door, even though she's told me multiple times I don't have to. But I go in there so rarely that it feels awkward not to. What if I interrupt... something? We're teenagers, after all.

"Come in!" I hear her cheerful voice from inside.

I open the door. "Hina," I say as a greeting.

"Onee-chan?" she sounds surprised. No wonder. I said it's rare for me to come in here. Though she brightens up quickly at seeing me.

She really admires me, even if I find that hard to deal with.

"I was wondering..." Come on, Sayo. You've practised this. You can say it. "Do you want to play our guitars together?"

Her eyes go wide. "R-really?" I don't hear her stammer often.

"Yes. I think it might be a learning experience," I say.

"Okay!" Hina jumps to her feet, and grabs her guitar.

"Come on, I have things set up in my room," I say, and lead the way without even looking back. I already know she'll follow.

This was a tough decision to make. I wanted to back down many times. I still kinda do. Kept putting it off. This might be a painful experience as much as a learning one. But I need to face the painful things in my life head on. That is my new vow to myself. It might be the only way I'll be able to grow.

Hina and I had an argument not long ago. That is not exactly something new, but this one was different. It drew us closer together, rather than driving us further apart. I poured my heart out, and in turn so did she. It was ugly, raw, and painful, but it led to a better understanding between us. And gave me a better understanding of myself.

Now I want to try to make amends for the way I've treated her over the years. I've been quite terrible. But I believe I can be better. That I must be, or I'll be stuck as a person. It won't be easy. I will probably fail several times. But I will try.

* * *

Hina is my twin sister. Despite how similar we look, we're fraternal. That might be the reason I have unnatural abilities, and she doesn't. Even now I can't help thinking that if she had been the one who had gotten these abilities, then she would have already mastered them, and been able to put them to good use.

You see, Hina might be normal, but she's also a genius. She looks up to me, wants to be like me, and do everything I do. But the truth is that she's better than me. At some point I started resenting that. Whenever I got interested in anything, she would get into it too, and in no time at all she would be better at it than me. I was born first, so I'm seen as the big sister, but I'm the one who's always falling behind. The pressure from that is suffocating. These abilities have not helped with that at all, so what good are they? It drove us apart, as I started resenting Hina.

Part of me feels some satisfaction in that I have something Hina can never have, but it wasn't enough. I wanted to be able to enjoy something, even if it was just one thing, that she wouldn't copy. I'm in the archery club at school, and I'm good at that, but it also didn't feel like enough. I wanted something on my free time. So I picked up the guitar. That was mine. That was my thing. I dedicated myself to playing perfectly. Told myself Hina wouldn't take this from me.

I even joined a band. Found a like-minded soul with a similar goal to mine: A perfect performance. Found others with sufficient skill willing to support us. I thought I finally had it.

When I learned Hina had also joined a band, I was... I'm not sure how to describe it. It felt bad. And she also played the guitar. She had taken that from me, too. That's what I thought. I probably treated her even colder after that. I am truly terrible.

I need to be better.

* * *

"Good session, everybody," I say. Our cohesion as a band has improved drastically from when we first started. It's very satisfying.

"Agreed," Minato-san says.

Minato Yukina is our vocalist, and the one who invited me to start this band to begin with. Our Roselia. She's an immensely skilled singer, and her voice can fill an entire hall on its own. She understands and shares my goal to attain perfect skill. I couldn't ask for a better compatriot.

"I'll go sort everything at the desk," Imai-san says. "Yukina, should I book the next session right away?"

"Yes, might as well," Minato-san answers.

"I'll leave starting the cleanup to you all, then. But actually do some cleaning up this time, okay?" Imai-san reminds us before exiting the room.

Imai Lisa is our bassist, and the least skilled of the group. But she still has good synergy with the rest of us, and her other contributions to the band are vital. Somehow she has become the heart of this band. She is essential to keeping up morale, and keeping us on track. The few times we've had practice without her have... not gone well. The best way to see how important she is, is to see what happens when she's not here. She doesn't have any siblings, but she's still a better big sister than I am. Or perhaps even like a mother.

"Rin-Rin! Did you hear how awesome my beat was!? I was as if... as if my darkness guided my hands... like... bam!" Ako-san says, waving her drumsticks in the air.

Udagawa Ako plays the drums, and she's a strange one. I don't understand what she's talking about half the time, but she's very into it. She also reminds me of Hina in many ways, which has been awkward at times. The way she idolises her big sister isn't too far off from how Hina idolises me. But even though she's strange, she's a good drummer. And she might have been part of what helped me see Hina in a different light again.

Why do I call her Ako-san instead of Udagawa-san? Well, since there are two Udagawas, it's easier to keep her apart from Tomoe-san that way.

"Yes... you were really cool, Ako-chan," Shirokane-san replies, and smiles softly.

Shirokane Rinko is on keyboard, and she's very good at what she does. Be it playing her instrument, making our costumes, or those games she and Ako-san play. She doesn't talk a lot, even less than me, and she's typically rather quiet when she does. But she's very close with Ako-san. I'd say in the same way Minato-san and Imai-san are close. And... she's a good girl. Maybe that sounds strange for someone like me to say, but it's a feeling I can't shake.

Imai-san returns. "I'm done. Ooo, and you're nearly done too! Good job~!" she says.

Getting praised by Imai-san is oddly pleasing.

* * *

When we first started this band, I only cared about the band as an entity. I didn't really care about my band-mates as people. I thought it was unnecessary. Making friends was an unnecessary distraction. Then before I knew it I thought of them as something more important than friends. I'm not entirely sure when that changed.

But I have changed. I care more. About the band, and my bandmates. They tell me I regularly smile now. That was a strange thing to learn, but I don't mind it.

And I care more about my playing. I was so focused on perfecting my playing, that I forgot about enjoying it. In that respect even Toyama-san is ahead of me. She is not particularly skilled. I wouldn't go so far as to say she's bad, that would be too harsh. But on a technical level she sounds like an amateur. Yet when she plays, there's _something_ there. Something I lack. And possibly need, at least a little bit. Hina tells me my playing sounds better now. More 'fun'. But to me it still sounds lifeless. Highly skilled, but as if it's lacking a soul. Even a couple of months ago I can't imagine I would have cared about something like that.

I'll find my own sound. However long it may take.

* * *

Sorry, I have gotten off-track from what I was supposed to talk about. I mentioned abilities earlier. Plural. I have two others that are probably worth mentioning.

I am quite strong. This one is actually somewhat helpful, but I am still not entirely happy with it. It's not something I worked to earn, I just got it. Instead I've put effort into restraining it. Both bows and guitar strings will snap if too much force is applied. So I have worked on balancing my strength just right to make my skill at both shine. I can at least take some pride in that. Yet I concede that sometimes being able to apply a lot of strength is useful. I saved Hina once... I had almost forgotten about that too.

And I can see people. Sorry, that doesn't explain it at all. What I mean is: I have an alternate vision mode. If I activate it, I can see any people around me, even through walls and such. They show up as shapes made up of a mix of the colours blue, green, and red. So I can't really see who it is, but I can see where they are. I simply think of it as 'people-vision'. And it can be very overwhelming if I activate it near a crowd.

I'm not sure if I'm seeing body-heat, or bioelectric fields, or what. And the range is limited. But people light up, and the rest of the world drains of colour. It doesn't go completely black, white, and grey, but it's a lot more muted. It works for animals too, but somehow I can always tell the difference, even if it's an animal with a human-like shape. This is definitely the one that's hardest to explain. I apologise if it's unclear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I had the idea before I read the latest Bandori event with Sayo in the rain, I debated with myself whether or not to incorporate those parts, as I am still mostly following the same chain of events as the in-game story. A lot of good stuff comes out of those events, and even in an AU it feels like a shame to not make use of it. And I very much like the concept of characters in the midst of growing as people.
> 
> Slowly becoming on better terms with her sister was an important aspect of this fic for me. Sayo and Hina have had an arc since the start of the game that basically had its big payoff in the latest event. It is not the end of their story, but it was a big turning point, and I decided I wanted to extrapolate on that. Show a Sayo who really wants to make amends, and improve, even if it's slow and difficult.


	2. Making A Mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sayo and Tsugumi run into each other.

Where is Hina? She wasn't in her classroom, and Imai-san wasn't sure where she went. Delivering stuff she's forgotten isn't always easy. In hindsight I could have just left it with Imai-san to give to Hina when she came back, but for some reason I decided to find her myself. A poor decision.

There's not a lot of students in this part of the school, so I turn on my people-vision. This room is empty, but... I see someone around the corner up ahead. By the far staircase, I believe. And someone is coming down the stairs too. Maybe one of them is Hina. They're about the right size. I head towards them.

"Good work, number two. Time to head back," I hear a voice say as I'm nearly there. It's a familiar voice, but I can't immediately say who it is.

I turn the corner, and see two identical-looking girls. Twins? I'm about to speak up, but at that moment they touch hands, and one of them vanishes. It was like for an instant she turned into light, and faded away. I am not sure what just happened, but I realise I know who that is.

"Hazawa-san?" I say.

She jumps, and looks at me with wide eyes. "S-Sayo-senpai?"

It is indeed Hazawa Tsugumi. She is also in a band: Afterglow. I suppose you could call them our rivals, of a sort, though their goals seem to be quite different from ours.

I'm not sure what to say next. Do I ask what I just witnessed?

Hazawa-san speaks up first. "Uh... d-did you... how long have you... did you s-see anything?" she asks me.

"Like what?" I ask, unable to help myself.

"U-um..." Good gods, she's trembling like a leaf. Is it really that bad if I saw?

"I don't know what you mean," I say. Probably best to leave it alone. "I am merely looking for Hina. Have you seen her?"

"Hina-senpai?" She relaxes a little. "I-I believe I saw her heading towards the roof."

"I see. What's the quickest route up there?" I ask.

She gives me directions, and I head up the stairs, leaving the nervous girl behind.

I ponder what I just saw. There had definitely been two Hazawa-sans. Her reaction pretty much confirms it's not something I imagined. But how is that possible? As far as I know, she doesn't have a twin, and even if she did, they shouldn't be able to vanish like that.

Perhaps the most likely explanation is that she also has some unnatural ability. Either that, or some unbelievably advanced technology. I'm not sure which of them I would count as more plausible. But I've always suspected I couldn't be the only one with special abilities in the world. The odds would be highly unlikely. But until now I have never actually met someone I think might actually have one. I never realised I might have felt lonely in that sense before, but now... I have this strange feeling of relief that I'm no longer alone. Even if she doesn't know about me.

Do I do anything about this? I... it could be... no, I probably shouldn't...

* * *

I'm nearly off the school grounds, when I hear someone call out behind me.

"Sayo-senpai!"

I turn, and see Hazawa-san running towards me. I politely wait for her.

"Is something the matter, Hazawa-san?" I ask while she catching her breath.

"A... are you sure... you didn't see anything?" she asks. So she's still worried about that.

"I assure you I saw nothing out of the ordinary," I say. Maybe it doesn't sound very convincing when I put it like that. "And even if I did, I am not the type to reveal anyone's secrets." I add.

"R-really?" She still seems nervous. I'm not certain she believes me.

I suppress a sigh. She seems so small. "Listen... if it will make you feel more at ease, maybe we can meet after school? If we talk, perhaps I can reassure you my intentions are honest." Wait, what am I doing?

"Um... s-sure..." she says. "Y-you can come by the coffee house..." She doesn't seem particularly reassured.

"Very well, I'll see you then."

We part ways, and I ask myself again what I'm doing. Why did I do that? Why did I ask to talk to her? I'm sure I could have thought of some less involved way to state my honesty. Or just ignored her. Surely I didn't have to... so why did I?

Wait... did I scare her in some way by what I said? Did I make it worse? I really am terrible at talking to people. Hopefully I can clear this up. But how?

* * *

I arrive at the coffee house, having headed right there after getting changed into regular clothes. A fresh pair of jeans, a comfortable jumper, and a warm jacket. The weather is already getting chilly this time of year.

I don't see Hazawa-san inside, so I ask someone I presume is her mother. She tells me that Hazawa-san is in her room, and expecting me. I suppose it makes sense she wouldn't want to talk somewhere anyone might overhear, yet I still feel surprised. Exactly what does she think I intend to do? Actually, I'm not sure I can answer that myself. What am I doing here, and what do I hope to achieve?

I head towards Hazawa-san's room after getting directions. I feel strangely nervous as I knock on the door. Seriously, what am I doing?

"Come in."

I enter the room, and find Hazawa-san sitting on the floor. Looking nervous. My fault, I'm sure.

"Hi," she says.

"Hello," I reply. I take off my jacket, and also sit on the floor.

I want to avoid seeming threatening, but otherwise... come on, Sayo. You could have at least thought of a proper plan before you came here.

After a minute of awkward silence, Hazawa-san chooses to speak up. "So... y-you did see, then?" she asks.

I suppose there's no point in trying to brush it off any longer. "I saw two of you, if that's what you're referring to," I say.

Her shoulders sink. As if her last bit of hope left her.

It feels bad seeing her like this. Maybe I could have said it better. "Believe me, I have no intention of telling anyone," I assure her.

"B-but..."

"You don't believe me?" I ask.

She freezes for a moment. "I just... i-is there something you want? In exchange?" she asks.

Oh no, does she think I'm here to blackmail her? Am I that scary? Also... is there something I want? A good question. Why am I here?

I sigh. "Let me show you something," I say, and get up. _Wait_... "You see." _Wait, what I am doing?_ "I have a secret of my own." _No, I can't._ But I do. As she's giving me a curious, but wary look, I float into the air. _Why am I doing this?_

Her eyes go wide. "W-what?" she gasps, and stares at me.

I lift my legs up, and float about the room a little, trying to not bump into anything.

"You're not the only one with a special ability, Hazawa-san," I say. I shouldn't be doing this. Coming here was a mistake. But I feel strangely pleased, for some reason. "So if you keep my secret, I'll keep yours."

"Y-you can... levitate?" she asks as I land back on the floor.

"Fly, actually," I correct her. "It's just a bit cramped in here. I'm also pretty strong," I add with a smile. Am I bragging now? "And you can... clone yourself?" I ask.

"Not... quite..." she says. "I can be several of me, but it's complicated."

That sounds like basically the same thing to me, but I'll take her word for it. Regardless, the ice seems to be broken now. She's a lot more relaxed. Maybe even relieved? I'm glad.

"A-are you really okay with me knowing this?" she asks.

A bit late for that, isn't it? And I probably shouldn't be okay with it. Shouldn't have done it. "I guess... I wanted to let you know you're not alone," I say. Or is it I who wanted to not feel alone?

She lights up. "Your power is much cooler than mine," she says.

"Eh?" Power? I mean, I'm sort of happy to hear her say that, but... "I can't really use it, though. Too easy to get seen. So there's not much point to it." I'm not sure she should be using hers, either. What if someone besides me finds out?

She smiles. "You're not as scary as you look, Sayo-senpai," she tells me. Is that a compliment? Do I truly look that scary? "Um... say..." She pokes her index fingers together.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Well... if I told you I know of an isolated spot... could we go there?" she asks.

"Why?"

"Um... maybe you can take me flying?" She gives me a shy look.

I blink. Did I hear that right? "What?"

* * *

Somehow I ended up agreeing, and now we're in a park. I've never been to this one, and it seems like she's correct that it's isolated. I haven't spotted anyone else, even with my people-vision. Only some small animals.

"You're sure about this?" I ask her.

She nods. "If you're okay with it."

I feel a little worried. How many years has it been since I flew with Hina? Since then... "I have to warn you that I don't do this. At all. I'll be careful, but be sure to hold on tight." I'm still not sure why I'm doing this, but I'm at the point where I might as well stop questioning, and just go along with it. I've come this far.

"Okay." She smiles, though I can only barely see it with how dark it's getting. "Oh, I can keep lookout."

"Huh?"

Another Hazawa-san appears next to her. I wasn't prepared for that. "My others can warn us if anyone should come along," she says.

"I don't think that's necessary," I say. We're wearing dark clothing, and the sun has gone down. We should be really hard to spot.

"Oh..." She sounds disappointed. Maybe she just wants to be helpful.

"Well... I guess having one person on lookout isn't a bad idea," I say.

With that settled, I wonder about the best way to carry her. I guess across my arms, supporting her back and legs is the least awkward way.

She squeaks as I scoop her up. While I don't really feel the weight of lifting her, I can already tell it's going to affect my flight balance. I'll really have to take this slow.

"W-whoa!" she says as we start floating.

"Changed your mind?" I ask. We're barely half a metre into the air.

"No," she says quickly, shaking her head. "Just feels strange." I suppose that makes sense. It's been so long that it feels pretty strange to me too.

The way she's putting her arms around me, and clinging on tight, makes me feel warm. We're both dressed up pretty thick, so I guess that makes sense.

I keep rising up. We clear the tree tops, and the city around us starts to come into view. I can't recall when I last saw a view like this. I hear her gasp.

"Changed your mind?" I ask again. Not too late to turn back.

"No... it's just... beautiful," she says.

We're now higher than most buildings in this part of the city, and it looks like a blanket of lights is spreading out around us. Only further in towards the centre of Tokyo do we see office buildings and skyscrapers taller than us. Though they're really far off, and just look like a bunch of lights rising into the sky. There's just enough daylight left that we can barely make out an outline of the buildings the lights below us belong to.

I have a strange feeling in my chest. I remember doing something like this before. I don't recall if I was alone, or with Hina, but I've gone out at night before, and flown up to see the city as a vast stretch of lights below me. It wasn't just when we were on trips. I think this feeling is... that I didn't realise I had missed it before I got to see it again now.

Hazawa-san giggles. "I can see my house from here," she says.

I look around, and see it. Well, I see the part of the area that's the downtown shopping district. It's hard to miss. Though I doubt it's possible to make out Hazawa Coffee from here.

"Are you okay?" I ask. It's getting colder as we rise higher up. I'm slowly getting used to balancing with her in my arms.

"Yeah. I'm good. I'm great," she says. She sounds a little giddy.

I smile at that. I'm happy she's enjoying it. I stop rising. This is probably high enough. I look up. It's partly cloudy, but I can see the rising moon, and a lot of stars. They're so, _so_ much brighter from up here. Lights above us, lights below us.

I'm not sure how long we float there, but I eventually become aware of the chill on my fingers. While I'm reluctant to do so, I tell her: "I'm going to head back down now."

"Aw... okay." She sounds disappointed, but she doesn't protest.

I feel more confident on our descent, but I still take it slow. In part because I want this to last longer.

"Hey, Sayo-senpai. Have you ever been in love?" she suddenly asks me as we approach the trees.

"No," I confess. I don't know what made her ask.

"Me neither," she says. "But I think maybe I'm starting to understand what it feels like." She giggles again.

"Okay?" I'm not sure what she means, and she doesn't elaborate. Maybe the feeling of flying has gone to her head. It's certainly something you could get attached to.

I feel a tinge of sadness as we're back on the ground. I think... I wouldn't mind doing this again. Even if it's pointless, it... feels good.

Hazawa-san moves, and I get ready to let her down, but then suddenly she's pulled herself right up against me. Her lips pressing against mine.

She's kissing me? She's kissing me. Why is she? What is... happening? She feels so... soft. My mind feels funny.

The kiss suddenly ends. "Oh!" She pushes herself out of my arms. "Oh no!" I feel powerless to stop her, but I'm not entirely sure why I want to. "I-I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" she says. I can vaguely tell her voice is panicked. "I shouldn't have- I- I... I forced myself on you, I'm so sorry!" The other Hazawa-san is coming towards us. "I'm really sorry, I... I... I should... I should go, I'm going, I... I'm sorry!" She apologises over and over, and then runs away. The two Hazawa-sans becoming one as they go.

"W-wait..." I say weakly. There's no way she can hear me. Long gone. I'm too stunned to go after her. I just stand there, still feeling the warmth of her lips on mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The meat of the story is the rapidly developing SayoTsugu relationship. I suppose the emphases is on rapid.   
> The idea that Sayo would discover Tsugumi, and they would get drawn together by sharing their secrets was there from the start. And the idea for the kiss scene came soon after. So I had the start and the end of this chapter figured out early, it was writing everything in between that was the most effort.


	3. Making A Bond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorting things out.

I don't know what to do. I don't know. What to do. Yesterday was. Yesterday was a lot. I shared my secret with someone. I went flying again. And... I had my first kiss. What do I do?

I wasn't able to sleep much. Or at all. It's hard to think clearly. I... I want to see Hazawa-san again. Ask her... something. Why she kissed me. If she wants to do it again. Wait, no, why would I...? Ugh, my brain is fried. I need coffee.

The problem is that Hazawa-san and I don't go to the same school, so it's hard to see her.

Okay, that's not the only problem. Does she even want to see me again? She kissed me, but then... regretted it? What would I say to her? Would I be able to find her if I went there? Would I even manage to get there without being run over by a car in this state? Ugh...

And we have practice today. I have never called in sick for practice before, but I am considering it now. But wait... Minato-san goes to Hazawa-san's school. So does Imai-san. And Ako-san. Plus Ako-san's sister Tomoe-san is in the same class as Hazawa-san, I believe. I think. Thinking is so hard. I want to go to bed. Should I talk to my bandmates? Which one? Imai-san? She knows how to listen... but how would I explain what happened without explaining how it happened? I said I would keep Hazawa-san's secret. Ako-san knows everyone in Afterglow, right? Maybe she has Hazawa-san's number... maybe I could discreetly ask for it.

Hah. As if I know how to be discreet. Ugh, this vending machine coffee tastes awful.

Hina. Hina also goes to that school. She knows my secret already. I could... just omit Hazawa-san's... or maybe not... she'd definitely ask why I took a girl I barely know flying. And probably ask if I'd take her. I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet.

I feel like a wreck. What do I do?

* * *

I arrive at practice, against my better judgement.

Imai-san greets me as I come through the door. "Hello, Sa- whoa. Sayo, you look terrible," she says.

"Yes. Thank you," I say as I put my guitar case down.

"Um... she's looked out of sorts... all day," Shirokane-san chimes in. We're in the same class, so I'm not surprised she noticed.

"Are you ill?" Imai-san asks. Even in this state I can tell she sounds worried.

I shake my head. That was a mistake, and I wince.

"Eesh, what happened?" Imai-san asks, and helps me sit down.

The others drift closer. "What's going on?" Minato-san asks.

"Hazawa-san... kissed me," I say. I didn't mean to say that, but it just... fell out.

"W-what?"

"Tsugu-chin did?" Ah, I guess Ako-san is close enough to hear.

I nod very, very gently.

"Why?"

"I... don't know," I answer. I still haven't been able to figure that out. If only I was able to think clearly...

"How?"

"Soft. Warm." I remember that part well. Someone gasps.

"No, I mean, how did it come to that?" Imai-san clarifies.

"Oh. We... we were out..." No, I can't tell our secrets. Especially not hers. "Doing stuff."

"Stuff? What stuff?" It's getting hard to tell who's saying what.

"That's... a secret," I say.

"Ahaha... um... then what happened?"

"Then... she ran away," I tell them.

"Ran away?"

"Yes."

"So, wait... _she_ kissed _you_... but then _she_ ran away?"

"Yes."

"This isn't making much sense, Sayo."

"I know."

"Eesh... what do we do now?"

"I want to see her again," I say.

Someone puts a hand on my shoulder. "Sayo, you need to sleep."

"Yes." I agree. Right here is surprisingly comfortable.

"I'll call Hina to come help Sayo get home. Make sure she doesn't fall over or anything."

I won't fall. I can fly. Fly so high. But right now I feel very heavy. Too heavy to keep talking.

* * *

I wake up in a bed. My bed. I feel better, but as the memories of what I did today come back to me, a deep sense of shame settles in. How could I have behaved that way? Even if I was tired, that was really unbecoming.

I could probably go back to sleep, but I feel really hungry. Eating properly is important, and I haven't had anything since lunch today.

Wait, is it still today? It's dark, so I fumble for my nightlight. I don't see my phone. Yet someone has undressed me, and put me in pyjamas. Did I do that myself? Did Hina help me? Maybe my phone is still in my uniform pocket. But I have an alarm clock. Let's see. It's almost eight o'clock. Not too late for an evening meal. Then I can go back to bed.

Getting out of bed is a bit of a struggle. I'm not exactly in top shape yet. But at least it feels like I can think clearly now.

"Onee-chan!" I hear Hina greet me as soon as I get down the stairs. "You're awake!"

"I believe so," I say. If I was still dreaming, I'd probably feel better.

"Eeesh, you shouldn't go to school or practice if you're sick, you know that," Hina scolds me, for once. "I can't carry you as easy as you can me, after all. Mum had to help me."

I blush a little. "I'm sorry, mother," I say.

Mother smiles at me, though I think she's a little worried. "I saved some dinner for you. I'll heat it up, you must be hungry," she says.

"Thank you," I say. She's right, as usual. "But I'm not sick. I just... didn't get any sleep last night." I take a seat at the kitchen table.

"Hm? How come?" Hina asks.

"Didn't the others tell you anything?" I reply.

Hina shakes her head. "No, they just said to get you home," she says.

"I see..." I hadn't expected that, but I'm happy.

"Hey hey, tell me how come!" Hina demands. "I wanna know!"

"It's-" The microwave beeps, interrupting me. I was about to say 'it's none of your business', but I remember my vow of how I have to be better. Do I tell Hina? She is the only person I can tell about the flying part. Aside from my parents. I glance towards mother, wondering if whether I should tell her too.

"Oh, I think my favourite TV show is coming on," mother says suddenly. She places the food in front of me. "I'm done here, so I'll go watch it in the other room."

Ah, she's excusing herself. Maybe she thinks I'll have an easier time talking if it's just me and Hina. I'm not sure if that's true, but... I think my parents are maybe also encouraged by us sisters spending a bit more time together again.

"Okay," I say. I can't betray Hazawa-san's secret, but I can tell Hina more than I can anyone else. "I went flying again yesterday."

"Really?!" Hina sounds excited. "But..."

"Yes..." I believe I said something like 'I'll never fly again' at some point. "It's been many years. And... I wasn't alone."

Hina's eyes go wide. "Y-you told someone your secret?" She glances towards the living room, just as aware as me that our parents forbade me to do that. "Who?"

I feel awkward. "Before I answer that... Hina, can you promise me something?" I ask.

"Hm?"

"If I tell you who, don't ask me why. There are things here that are too private for me to say. Okay?" I can see that she doesn't really get it. She has that expression. "Please? It's important to me."

"Okay, onee-chan. I promise," she says.

I take a deep breath. "It was Hazawa-san."

"What? Tsugu-chan? Why?"

"Hina..."

"Oh! Sorry... I promised."

I nod. "And then when we landed... she... k-kissed me." I'm probably blushing considering how hot my cheeks feel.

"Huh?! Why-" Hina quickly slaps her hands over her mouth.

I smile a little. She's trying. "No, it's okay this time," I tell her.

"Mmph... this is complicated, onee-chan," she says. Her genius doesn't really make her better at conversation than me, though we're bad in different ways.

"I know. I'm sorry," I tell her. "But that is the crux of the issue. I don't know why she kissed me. I was so stunned that I wasn't even able to say or do anything when she ran away afterwards."

"She ran away? Did you scare her?" she asks.

"Am I really that scary?" I have to ask.

"Uh... kinda... sometimes..."

I sigh. "No, I think... I think she scared herself." That's what it had seemed like, at least.

"Eh? Mm... I don't really get it..." she says. That makes two of us. "So, you didn't want her to kiss you?"

"I..." Don't know. "She didn't even ask. She just did it."

"Are you angry?" she asks.

"N... not really..." Maybe a little, but that's not the main thing I'm feeling. "More... confused." This is all very new territory to me, and I can't really make sense of what I'm feeling.

"This sounds very confusing, alright," Hina agrees, scratching her head. "What do you want to do?"

"I... I want to see Hazawa-san again," I admit.

"Okay!" Hina hops onto her feet. "I'll bring her here!"

"W-what? Right now?"

"Hm... you're right, tomorrow is probably better."

"No, don't do that!" I say adamantly.

"Hm? Why not? Do you want to come to school with me instead?" she asks.

"Ngh... I don't know." I really don't. Am I ready to see her in person again? I want to. But does she?

"You should make up your mind, onee-chan," she tells me.

She's right. "This would be easier if I had her number..." I mumble.

"I can get that!" Hina declares eagerly.

"Hina, no, please!" I say immediately. "Please don't bother her. I... I think I can manage on my own."

"Hm? If you say so... but I want to help," she says.

I smile. "You already have. Thank you for listening," I say.

"Oh... okay! Then will you take me flying?" she suddenly asks.

I should have known that was coming. "No," I answer. I don't want to yet.

"Oh..." She looks so disappointed.

I can't help feeling sorry for her. "Well... if you promise to not bother Hazawa-san, and you keep that promise... I'll consider it." That should at least give me some time to become okay with the idea, and then I can make a decision. But not now. Not yet.

"Okay!" Hina agrees immediately. If only everything was that easy.

The food has started getting cold again, but it's still delicious.

* * *

Well, after talking to Ako-san, she took me to Tomoe-san, who agreed to deliver a message to Hazawa-san asking whether it was okay for her and I to exchange numbers. I'm glad they didn't ask too many questions. It took a couple of days, but I now have Hazawa-san's number on my phone. Which I'm currently staring at.

I am still a coward at heart, so I wasn't able to ask to meet her face to face. Gave myself the excuse that I'd ask on my own. Via text message. Though that requires that I actually send something.

" _Hazawa-san._ " Let's start simple. See if she's there, and willing to respond.

" _Sayo-senpai._ " The response is quick. Has she also been waiting? No, she was probably just close to her phone.

" _I would like to_ " see you. " _talk to you._ " I should take this slow. Right?

" _I'm really sorry for what I did._ " I'm not sure if I'm happy she's still thinking about it, or sad that she's still obsessing over it. Maybe both.

" _Don't apologise._ " My finger pauses over the send button. That sounds too harsh. I delete, and try again: " _You don't have to apologise._ " Sent.

" _Aren't you angry?_ " she asks. The same question Hina posed.

" _No, I'm_ " I hesitate. How do I best describe the way I feel. " _No, I'm confused. Why did you kiss me, Hazawa-san?_ " That's what I really want to know. What I want to understand.

The next reply takes a little while to arrive.

" _I got caught up in the moment. I was so happy. I'm very sorry._ "

Happy? I don't understand why that would make her kiss me. " _I'm not sure I understand,_ " I tell her.

Another tense wait.

" _You gave me a very special experience. You're amazing. I felt very grateful._ "

Oh... was it just gratitude? Why do I feel so bad about that? " _Was that all?_ " Hit send. I'm not entirely sure what I'm asking for here.

" _Not quite._ " There's a pause, long enough that I'm about to type something, then: " _I felt attracted to you._ "

I stare at that sentence. Then I nervously type: " _What do you mean?_ " and hit send. I'm not so stupid that I don't understand what it _could_ mean, but I don't want to have any misunderstandings here.

Every second I have to wait for the next response feels like agony.

" _I think I've fallen for you, Sayo-senpai._ " My mind goes blank for a moment. " _I know it's very sudden. I've never been in love before, so it's hard to figure out what I'm feeling._ " I can relate to that part. " _I didn't mean to force it on you. I'm so sorry._ "

" _I already said you don't have to apologise. Why didn't you just tell me?_ " I ask.

" _I panicked. I shouldn't have. I'm sorry._ "

I sigh, drop the phone onto my bed, and fall backwards so my head hits the pillow. This is a lot to process. I guess I kind of understand her actions now. But I still fail to understand my own. Why I went to her in the first place. Why I agreed to take her flying. Or do I simply not want to understand? Am I scared to face the answer?

Was it loneliness? Is it that simple? My family knows about my abilities, but no one else. Until now. Until I found someone else with abilities that regular people don't have. I... I latched on to that, didn't I? I tried to walk away, but when she came after me... I didn't behave like I normally would. I wanted something... what did I want? What do I want now? I still remember her warmth. Vividly.

I push myself up enough to reach my phone again. I see she's sent another message.

" _Sayo-senpai?_ " Did I leave her hanging for so long that she got worried?

" _Hazawa-san_ " I hesitate. Stare at her name. Why does it suddenly seem so impersonal? I've become so good at keeping people at arm's length, haven't I? Even as I've gotten closer to my bandmates, they have remained Minato-san, Imai-san, and Shirokane-san. That's just who I am. I only made an exception for Ako-san to not confuse her with Tomoe-san. Or was that just an excuse? I might be changing, but not that quickly. I'm not going to suddenly start calling everyone by their given names. I'm not capable of that. Not yet. Maybe I'll never be.

But for this... for her. I want more. I want better. So I delete, and start again.

" _Tsugumi-san. I want to see you._ "

* * *

There's no school the next day, so we can actually meet up around noon. Though even waiting that long was nerve-wracking. I'd be lying if I said I slept well, but I got enough to be composed. I hope.

I arrive too early. Of course I do. Patience has never been my strongest virtue. We agreed to meet at the family restaurant where Roselia got... not exactly our start, but where we solidified our goals. Seems like Tsugumi-san is familiar with it, too. I guess it's the only one in decent range of both schools, and the live house. So it's natural for all of us to gravitate here if we're after this kind of place.

I push the door open, wondering how to pass the time. I should probably order something. The staff will probably not like it if I just take a table, and sit there with nothing. Well... they have really good potato fries. My weakness. I am usually good about my diet*. It's important to have proper nutrition. I have a schedule for what I need. But ever since I was little I have loved fries. If they're in front of me, I can't resist. It's like my body moves on its own. Since it's the weekend, surely I am allowed to indulge...

Wait... is that...? I see someone with short, brown hair sitting at a table. She's facing the entrance, but currently seems to be looking quite firmly at the menu on the table. I don't think she's noticed me. I thought I was way early, but maybe the time on my phone is wrong? Or did I get the meeting time wrong? Am I actually late?

My heart is beating faster as I head over towards the table.

"Tsugumi-san?" I phrase it like a question, even though there's no way I can mistake her.

She looks up at me. "Sayo-senpai!"

It's like my heart stops for a second. What is wrong with me? "Did I get the time wrong? Have you been waiting?" I ask.

"Oh, no! I just... I felt so restless sitting around at home that I ended up going early," she says, sounding a little sheepish. "Is it already noon?" She looks towards her phone.

"No, I arrived early too," I admit. It's not even a quarter to yet.

I sit down across from her, wondering what to say. They arrive to take our order before either of us say anything. I decide to indulge and go for the large fries. It'll make me feel better, and for some reason I don't care so much if she sees me like that. She orders a hamburg steak. Yet even that doesn't break the ice between us. This is getting ridiculous.

Though she's the one to speak first again. "I'm really sorry for what I did."

"Tsugumi-san..." I sigh. "Please stop apologising. I don't want to hear it any more. Understood?"

"Sor-"

"Tsugumi-san."

"Ah... yes."

I smile. She's very cute. I'm not sure if I really took notice of that before. She smiles back at me.

"You know, you're very pretty when you smile, Sayo-senpai," she says, without warning.

"W-what..." My face starts to feel hot. "Nonsense." I'm the older one here. Why is she the one saying stuff like that, with no apparent shame?

She's looking really pleased. I wish I wasn't so bad at this. Well, I've never been good at small talk or discretion, so I might as well get to the point.

"So, you really like me?" I ask. Blunt as a brick.

"Ah... yes, I think so," she replies. "I-I mean, these feelings are kinda hard to make sense of..."

"Believe me, I know," I say honestly. I've not had much luck in the days since the kiss. But I have reached a decision now. I think I know what I want.

Our food arrives, forcing a short break on us. But I'm the one who manages to get things started again afterwards. Not that it's a competition or anything.

"Yet you barely know me," I point out. We have been at events and practice together, but it's more that we know of each other. We've never gotten to actually know each other. A week ago I didn't know much more than her name.

"Yes, but..." She takes a moment, maybe to think of how to say what she wants to say. "You're cool, and nice. And I was talking to Hima- a friend not long ago, and she mentioned wanting to be swept off of her feet. I didn't understand at the time, but when you lifted me into the air... I think I understand now." Her cheeks have gone rosy, and she looks down at her food. "I know it's very sudden. Maybe I'm just confused."

"I see," I say, even though I'm not sure I do. At all. But it's making me feel all funny on the inside. And I can relate to the part about being confused. But even should it turn out to be a mistake, I know what I want to happen next. "Would you like to join me for a walk after this, Tsugumi-san?"

* * *

I very deliberately steer us towards a specific destination.

"This is..." she says as we get close.

"Yes."

The park from that night. It's not as chilly this time, probably because it's daytime. Thankfully there still doesn't seem to be a lot of people around.

"Sayo-senpai?" She gives me an inquisitive look as we head in under the trees.

I make sure no one is close before I ask: "Did you like kissing me?"

"Um..." She seems uncertain how to answer.

"Do you want to try again?" I ask. Bold. Shameless. Okay, maybe I feel a bit of shame. Or perhaps embarrassment is a better term.

"Huh?!"

"Do you want to kiss me again?" I clarify. "I'll be ready for it this time."

She looks at me with wide eyes. Speechless. I feel a certain satisfaction at that, but I'm also slightly anxious to hear her answer. Hopefully it doesn't show.

"Well?" I prompt her.

"Oh, uh... yes," she answers.

It feels like my heart does a jump in my chest. "We're in agreement, then," I say. Even as I say it, I realise it's not elegant at all, but I couldn't think of anything else. I am bad at this.

How is this going to work, though? She's shorter than me, so I suppose I'll have to lean forwards? Bend over? Heart, can you please calm down, you're too loud. I'm probably overthinking this. All I have to do is meet her halfway. I can do that.

I do my best to control my trembling as I get close. I can feel the heat of her breath. She smells nice. Then she rises up on her toes, and our lips meet again. I said I would be ready for it this time, but that was apparently a lie. I have no idea what I'm doing. But it feels very... good. I put my arms around her to draw her closer, and I can feel her returning the embrace. The rest of the world ceases to matter.

When it stops, I feel a longing to go right back to it, but I need to at least catch my breath first.

"Sayo-senpai..." she whispers.

"Tsugumi-san... you don't... have to call me senpai..." I tell her. In our current position, it makes me feel a little awkward.

"Hm? Then... Sayo-chan?"

That feels even more awkward. "I... I'm not sure I'm ready for that... yet..." I say. I don't know when I would be ready for that, but it's not now.

She giggles softly. "Sayo-san?"

"Yes, I'm okay with that." I think I have to take this at my own pace. Hopefully she'll be patient with me.

"Um... Sayo-san?"

"Yes?"

"We're floating."

I look down. So we are. Not very high up. Ten, maybe twenty centimetres. I guess I must have lifted off while we were kissing. Very gently I set us back down.

"Sorry about that," I say.

She smiles. "It's okay. I would be lying if I said I haven't missed the feeling," she says.

I smile back. An idea comes to me. A brilliant, and very bad, idea. "Would you like to go flying again?" I ask.

"Yes!" she answers excitedly.

"Come on," I say.

"W-wait, right now?"

"Why not?"

"It's daytime."

"So?"

"Someone might see us."

"I don't care." I know I should care, but right now I really don't. Seriously, what is wrong with me? "Aren't you curious how different it will look in daylight?"

She looks hesitant for a bit longer, but I can tell the moment she gives in. "Yes. Alright."

I know it's reckless. We might well be caught. Seen. Filmed. It could cause trouble for everyone I know. But right now I just want to fly away with her. More than anything. Dear gods, I have never asked you for anything before, but please let this go well. I promise I will be more careful in the future. So please forgive this one transgression.

The guitar doesn't have to be the only thing I have any longer. I am learning that. I am learning that it is okay to want more. That I have the capability to be better. And right now I want Tsugumi-san to be mine. It's terribly selfish. I will probably still mess up a lot. But I won't stop trying. I have people I care about, and people who care about me. As weird as that feels. As alien as it would have been to me at the start of this year. For them, as well as for myself, I will keep trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Footnote: *When I say 'diet', I mean in the sense of what she eats normally, not that she's on a diet, or dieting.
> 
> Now I'm aware that as a teenager, Sayo could probably manage better without one night's sleep than I end up portraying her here, but I could say that everything else that happened also took its toll, and... I thought the story worked better that way.
> 
> And that's it, for now. I didn't know I would go this long when I started, but once I got into writing, I decided to just keep at it until I felt I hit a satisfactory conclusion. I just want the good girls to be happy, and Sayo and Tsugumi are both good girls.


End file.
